Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
