youre lurking in front of me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
