"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
