Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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