maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
