Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
