A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
