Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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