she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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