you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
