First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
