Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
