I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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