I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
