everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
