It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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