I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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