well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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