she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
