all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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