If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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