I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
