This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
