i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think your dad took our porno
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
