Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
