My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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