I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
