We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
