It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
