Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
