Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
