If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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