Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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