The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
