We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
