I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize