i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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