hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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