What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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