There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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