Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
