She said her name was "party"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
