if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
