So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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