Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
