Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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