I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize