drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize