I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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