i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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