I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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