He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
