i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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