Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
