if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
