So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
