Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I want to make a zoo with you.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
