I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
