she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
