just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
