It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
