Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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