tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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