Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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