I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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