The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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