my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
