fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
