I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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