Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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