NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
