If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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