I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
