no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Less talking, more tequila
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
