It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
