Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
