I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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