At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
