I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize