I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
