she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
