I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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