The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
