you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
