he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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