Christians are straight up FREAKS
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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