I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
