I think I won the penis lottery.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
