He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
