break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
