burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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