You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
