Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
