so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
