when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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