I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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