Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
